The Boy Behind the Voice

 
   I sat here tonight watching him sleep. So peaceful as if he never had a worry in the world. It got me thinking so I dug through the many photo boxes I had from over the years. I found the one book where he had just started a special school for children with Autism, he was probably around 3 or 4 at the time.
     The book was titled "From the Motion Room, Friends in motion". Basically it was the sensory room where they took 3-4 children on the spectrum and provided different therapies with them. In each and every one of  the pictures I saw a smile on his face from to ear to ear. I looked a little bit closer and I also noticed in each picture his fingers balled up which is something he did when he was frightful and over loaded.  The unique thing was although he was frightful he still smiled, he still had hope and a desire to achieve even though he was clearly uncomfortable.
     When Tarique was growing up it was always so hard to judge his emotions. He was always happy even though he was sick, sad, angry or hurt.  We just never really knew how to understand him but one clue was those fingers they were always a dead give away. As they began to ball up or he would play with his fingers we knew something was going through his mind and he was trying his hardest to process it.  Tarique was asked by his doctor, "when people talk to you or you read a story, watch a TV show what do you see in your mind". He replied "I see everything in pictures, like it is a constant show playing in my mind or a video game and I am in the video game. It never stops it is always running in my mind."  Constantly he is playing out possible scenes in his mind and trying to figure out how he is supposed to behave.

     This is something that I believe is a big issue for many children on the Spectrum.  A majority of them really have a strong desire to please and to belong with an immense sense of trust in a majority of individuals.  I would hear and see children clearly be mean to Tarique as he was growing up and he would stand there with a smile on his face as if they just told him he was the most important person in the world. It broke my heart every single time because I knew he had no clue they were making fun of him or that he was the butt of their jokes 99% of the time.  To this day he still does not even understand when that happens.

     I think to myself that maybe this Revolution I have decided to take on might be to much. Maybe I should just focus on what I have been doing for the past 12 years and that was preparing him for life out there in that big bad world. But then I find some notes he has scribbled down in his journal, pictures he has drawn secretly and tucked them away, or post he has typed online and it breaks my heart even more. Behind that lovable smile and that award winning some what awkward personality this child is dying inside.         Think about how we feel as "regular" people when we hear someone make a comment about us, look at us even a tide bit funny or if we even feel like someone is making fun of us or degrading us in any fashion. It hurts!  Now imagine when you have a mind that never stops and that is all you think about when you want to belong so bad, when you want to be just normal. 

     Tarique was a child that was not even supposed to have been born.  He was a child locked away in his mind for many year's until he was able to find his voice and use it, but even then he doesn't know how all the time.  I found a post on instagram where he states "I Just hate really getting bossed around, get cyber bullied and bullied and more just really can't handle it".  The second I read that I realized this is my mission, this was his destiny, this was his voice!  Tarique knows he is not alone now with Tarique's Voice and the potential to reach an unlimited amount of kids some with Autism and some with not! All however share the same struggles he does and that he really is NOT alone. This excites him and makes him very proud and full of self worth.
It simply makes my heart melt.
     And with that being said I leave you with this very inspirational picture. It is Tarique when he was oh about 4. He is strong, but his heart is breaking and even though he has his voice he questions does he really?