Doing you! A Reflection in What Really Matters One Bully at a Time

Over the past few month's I have been on this self-proclaimed journey of finding myself.  What is it that God has intended for me to do, am I on the right journey, should I rethink my career path, am I really making an impact on the Anti-Bullying movement? So many questions and honestly not enough time in the day or the month or even the year to answer those very questions.

As most know I am a Care Manager for a Mental Health Agency located here in Toledo which is where I live with my wonderful and supportive family.  Not all days are the brightest but that is the nature of this particular beast and I have grown to accept that.  I go to work, I plop down in my seat at my little cubicle (One day I shall have a real office LOL), and I say OK today is the day.  Change is going to happen!  Little unknown fact I actually pray in the parking lot before I even get out of my car.  Yes sir I do! While some may think that is absolutely ridiculous you just never know.  I want to be the avenue for someone to change their life.  I was just telling my daughter that with every action there is a reaction.  When we make a choice it impacts another either positively or negative.  Those choices nudge us in one direction or another rather we know this or not. Now I am not saying that I am the Dali-Llama or anything like this but a very wise woman (A.K.A. my mother) told me the night she passed away "when it is your time you want to be able to say why you deserve to be there, make change".  I have been on that mission I think well before I was even a twinkle in my mother's eye.  When I hear Casting Crown's sing the song (Thrive and the other one Broken) I am telling you this man so had me in his mind when he wrote those songs.
But......as I was saying, there are days it is hard very hard.  I have so many visions, so many desires to make change and often have no clue where to turn for support or guidance and I feel as a little lost pup just trying to figure out how to make it in that big bad world.  Then I see one of my client's or one of the other Care Managers have me speak to one of their client's who may be either a bully or a victim and I know right then and there OK suck it up buttercup time to get to work and make it happen.  I hear stories that will make your head explode with anger at the same time your heart sink with pain. 
I am from the Mountains, Good ole' Blessed All Most Heaven West Virginia....Raised in the 70's (yes I totally just dated myself) and I just hate how this world has become and how our children are so afraid to even go to school. While social connections with the internet have made lives better in so many ways it has created a whole new beast and not for the best.

Every day I must read at least 4 or more journal articles regarding the linkage of school violence and Bullying behaviors.  The increase in Mental Health for adolescence and the linkage of Bullying Behaviors.  Gangs popping up just every where, criminal behaviors in our youth the numbers are climbing, young girls turning to prostitution because they want to feel loved at the same time protected.  Kids pulling out cell phones to record the fights in school versus standing up for their fellow classmates. I mean seriously I could go on and on and trust me it doesn't get any better.
Communities and schools say their hands are tied because of funding, yet our children are killing themselves or others because of the fear and the feelings of just not being able to take it any longer.  They are not educated in where to turn, what to do for others and feeling safe enough to take those actions.  Instead they turn to either violence themselves or ending it the only way they know how.

 As a mother who has experienced this in her own home, a social worker who sees this daily it just breaks my heart but honestly I feel like David versus Goliath at times.  I will continue the fight "One Bully at a Time"  Change always happen, sometimes not at the pace we would like, but I will be there when it does.....

This face, this smile, his spirit for Forgiveness pushes me so far. When I feel like I just am getting no where I often think of how many times I could have lost him, the struggles he has been given in his life since birth. I quickly realize my pity party is ridiculous and embarrassing to even admit.  If this boy can smile and say time and time again I forgive those who have hurt me I just want to be a friend then I can continue to fight.

Change Begins With One..... "One Bully at a Time"
Much Love
Beth'a, Tarique and Hanya
www.tariques-Voice.org


#anti-bullying, #bully, #friendship, #friend, #smile, #teach, #love, #mom, #suicide, #suicideprovention, #mentalhealth, #teachers, #highschool, #juniorhigh, #meangirls, #bystander, #counselor, #forgiveness, #loving, #struggles, #autism, #autismawareness, #advocate, #advocacy, #social, #socialawareness, #socialwork, #socialworker, #thevoice, #voice, #children, #understanding

An Oprah Ah-Ha Moment in the land of Sunny Cali

The flight to San Diego was long but well worth it. The sun was shining while my home town of Perrysburg was in frozen tundra. Off I went to mingle and pick the brains of those of like mind. All these amazing individuals all here for the same purpose, HOW CAN WE STOP THE BULLY, How can we educate and how can we make a difference. 

International Anti-Bullying Convention in California

I quickly realized after only a few minutes that my home, my community, the schools that my children attend is majorly behind in times when it comes to the fight of “Bullying Behaviors”.   How can this be?  We pride ourselves on a decent education, Blue Ribbons schools and the finest of the finest when it comes to Mid-West living, however when I walk around and hear stories of what other schools and communities are doing to make sure that their children feel safe and secure while they attend school, play in their neighborhoods or honestly actually work, I start to feel sick to my stomach. No joke I at one point thought I was going to pass out because of all the information I was hearing. I was a little, no scratch that a lot embarrassed when people asked what do I do and what is my community doing in this arena.

I feel as if we are such failures for not only our children but ourselves.  When you think of the word Bully most individuals will think of the typical school yard bully. I am here to tell you it is much deeper than that, considerably deeper.  Bullies do not discriminate, they could care less if you were from a wealthy family, poor family, typical family with mom and dad or if you simply just have one parent struggling to keep their kids in line.  You could have 1 mom; 2 moms; 1 dad; 2 dads or even be in foster care a bully will find their way under that thick skin.  Again, they do not discriminate everyone is fair play when it comes to their game plan.

Myself with Dr. Dan Olweus and his sister from Norway

I was blessed enough to meet and speak with Dr. Dan Owelvus from Norway who has been the leader in Bullying Prevention for many, many years. I met with developers of bullying programs and applications, literary authors of educational as well as real life inspirational stories.  I was lucky enough to meet a few film directors, district attorney’s, leading world researchers in bullying prevention and the list could go on and on.  And with each one of the individuals I was able to share the story of my son Tarique and all about Tariques-Voice.org.  I was shocked by the encouragement, the willingness to help get the organization off the ground, the exchange of personal cell phone numbers, emails and such to be there if we needed extra guidance.  I had many people who were willing to come to Ohio for FREE to help me, to speak to the schools, to guide Tarique in his quest for advocacy.

 For over a year I have been attempting to embed Tariques-Voice into our community and doing this all on my own.  Many who know me understand that I am a social worker for a large Mental Health Organization called Zepf Mental Health. While I am grateful for their wiliness to allow me to share my passion regarding bullying here and there, let’s face it my income from Zepf alone cannot support my family and my organization, it barely supports me enough to feed my own children.  Yet each night I come home and I research, I blog, I connect to children who reach out through Tariques-Voice looking for someone to hear their cry.

I was able this week to really see the severe need in our community and how blind the schools and variety of agencies can be when it comes to Bullying.  They believe that a poster here, a pep rally there and let’s maybe put a Bullying Reporting box in the front of the classrooms are going to be enough.  So many children are suffering on so many levels it is absolutely mind blowing when you take a look at the numbers.  Some would say “what is a little bit of teasing going to do, it helps put hair on their chest”.  Well let’s entertain that utterly ridiculous idea for just a second. Supposed it does put “a little bit of hair on their chest”, but what about the layers beneath? Coming from the mental health world I see it affect kids and adults on so many levels such as depression, suicidal thoughts, attempts of suicide, the beginnings of alcohol and drug use, prostitution, gang activity, post-traumatic stress stemming from the continued trauma after being exposed to bullying behaviors time and time again.  Many of these children live in poverty stricken areas where life in itself if hard and to deal with continued ridicule day in and day out from the “bully” at times kids just say enough is enough.  This my friends is where the guns come into play, kids reach out, nothing is done and well face it they take care of business the only way they know how.  They either kill themselves or kill those who have inflicted the pain upon them.  But does it have to be that way?  Where as a society can we step in and say “I hear you”.

This is my Ahhhh-Ha moment!  I had questioned am I doing enough? What different actions can I take to really get out there and make a difference?  Do I continue to feel bound by the chains of the 9-5 and continue to struggle to get Tariques-Voice out there and working for our kids or do I say “I AM ALL IN AND I AM IN THIS TO WIN IT”.   Life is so short and so precious, why should we live in fear? Should we not all be fundamentally able to go to school and be educated, experience the joys of just being a kid without being afraid?  

As a momma I don’t want to be that mom who stands over her kids casket or any kid for that matter and say “I wished I could have done more, I wished I saw the signs, I wished I heard your cry, I wished you could have felt that you could have come to me, I wished I could have shown you the power of love; goodness and genuine kindness and I wished you knew deep in your heart that you are not alone!

And so my journey will continue……Tariques-Voice will be the voice of our community if I spend every moment of my life to make that happen. The struggles he endured the pain and agony that was bestowed upon him as well as my entire family will not be in vain. It starts with ONE people…..One voice, one kind word, and one simple smile to save a life.  

When you go out and about in your regular day please remember this “A person’s name is the strongest most powerful sound in the universe of language.  When you say their name you are providing an affirmation of that person’s existence and that might be the only kind word they hear for that day” And guess what IT’S FREE AND SIMPLE TO PROVIDE.

With that I leave you my friend

Let’s do this “ONE BULLY AT A TIME” IT START’S WITH ONE WILL YOU BE THAT ONE?

Much Love xooxox
Momma Shamy

You have the power all along

You have the power all along to make a difference in someone's life. A simple smile, a spread of a good word or simply just affirming another persons presence can be so powerful and may honestly change the course of that persons life for the better.

The power of ONE is so amazing. It Start's with ONE and soon it will spread like wild fire. It requires no certain age, race, religion, wealth! It simply requires one thing.....

Good Intentions within the heart.

www.Tariques-Voice.org
One Bully at a Time

A smile takes a glipse of a second but last.....

www.Tariques-Voice.org
One Bully at a Time

You Never Stop Being a Momma

Do you ever sit back and think about when you were younger what it would be like to be a parent? The little voice inside you that wondered what it would be like to create something so wonderful, to have a little one to care for and the fact that you knew there would always be forever and ever someone to love you unconditionally no matter what?
We get so caught up in our lives and we want to grow up so fast it seems now days, it was like that oh 30 plus years ago for me as well. I couldn't wait to get out of those mountains and live in a big city. I was so desperate I even joined the military as a young mother of 3.  Now that I am in my mid 40's I sit back and think what would I have done differently as a young mother?  I spent so many of my teenage year's as a poor Appalachian girl longing to just have a family of my own. I was from a divorced family and I wanted to prove to myself that all families were not so dysfunctional, I wanted to break that cycle that so many Appalachian families that I personally knew back in the  70's and 80's were living.
I was always so independent, soaking up any knowledge I could get my brain wrapped around, learning new tools and tricks of the trades. I wanted to be prepared for just about anything that was heading my way. I was head strong and typical "Mountain-Irish", my flaming red hair always gave me away to be as stubborn as they come and to this day that trait holds true. I remember sitting many nights with my mom at her work at Mountain State Nursing home, way back in the day and just taken back by the conversations I would have with many of the residents. It was as if I was one of them, like my soul was just as old but literally I must have been less than 9 or 10 at the time.
When my mom passed away I became so obsessed with Ancestry.com I realized when my mom died I really knew nothing of my very internationally blended families history. I spent days, weeks, months digging and digging and linking to new family members. Learning my rich history and piecing the puzzle together of why I am driven to do the things I do in my life was becoming very clear at the click of the mouse.
Now that half my life as came and went I still can't help but wonder what I could have done differently to be a better daughter, sister, mother, wife and believer.  We take actions in our life that are knee jerk and we don't think about the cycle of events that become from that,who will they affect or how it will all pan out.
Often I will hear someone say "Oh my gosh Beth'a you should write a story about your life, there is always something so interesting" I think to myself really you must live a really boring life, because I was simply trying to survive mine.  But must it be that way? Must we just survive our lives and not thrive in them the way we are meant to be?
We as parents are what lay the ground work for our children. I was lucky enough to be blessed with 5 beautiful children and 4 granddaughters. Have they made the best choices in life, probably not but that is OK because we NEVER stop being their momma. From the second that pregnancy test says "GUESS WHAT IS COMING YOUR WAY" we become their protectors until the day we die. And honestly sometimes after, I swear to you my momma still makes a grand appearance some way or some how with her influences.
Times are changing people and it is getting more and more dangerous even as I write this blog. We as momma's have the power to make that difference and it starts in the home. I had another one of my workmates share with me the other day a dad stated that all this bully awareness crap was a waste of time it does no good. AND you know what he is right if we don't start at home! RESPECT AND DIGNITY this is becoming a lost art that we desperately have to teach our kids again. Just because they are grown, married and have their own children does not mean a thing! YOU ARE STILL THEIR MOMMA FOREVER AND EVER!

www.tariques-voice.org
One Bully at a Time

Anti-Bully Awareness Month - Tariques Voice.org

I love that it is the change of the season because it is always a fresh new start to make changes in your own life. I myself even with all that is on my plate often use the season change to evaluate my own life and wonder ummm should I change this or that, could I have made better choices.  Trust me in my house hold this is done on a daily basis not with the season change :)
I am super excited with the direction that Tariques-Voice is going. It might be slow but we are still reaching out there one bully at a time, plugging away and answering many questions and listening to stories that come in. As many of you know I am blessed to be a social worker in a Community Mental Health Field. While most, well wait all social workers do not become social workers to become rich we often find our richness in others ways. While this might not keep the lights on in the house or the nicest of things in our possession it is always wonderful when your hard work and dedication is starting to appear as if it is paying off.
For me I am super lucky because we have a CEO of our company that I work my " Day-JOB" is just as passionate about fighting this Bully fight as much as I am.  I am also blessed that she has allowed me to take on this passion here at work, mind you all my other work needs to be completed as well but I am really OK with this as long as I am able to work on my bully battle as well.  In November I am grateful that my work has sponsored me to attend the International Bullying Association convention that will be located in San Diego California. This is super exciting because Dan Oweus will be there teaching not to mention many other pioneers in this field. Networking is going to be crazy exciting and just picking the brains of all those who are out there in the trenches fighting the fight.  I am happy that I can go soak up not only the sun but all this goodness and bring it back to our area and really develop some nice programming and get out there and make it all happen.  So keep your ears and eyes out for Tariques-Voice because we are fast coming your way.
"ONE BULLY AT A TIME".

www.tariques-voice.org

Shout out to all those who serve our wonderful country

Over the past few days we have had a sudden urge in likes on our Tariques-Voice facebook page.  I was so excited yet could not figure out why it was much, not that I am complaining :)
I start to read all the wonderful and inspiring comments and realize that they came because of my oldest son who is a former Marine.  They always say once a Marine always a Marine this is so true.  They really came out in the masses to support this cause that we started a year ago and it has made a world of difference to not only my son but to many others that come to this page to ask for some support and guidance as well as educating themselves on how to handle issues that would arise in the schools or the communities.  There are a few kids that follow the page that have sent me private messages to tell me that they are so shocked that the Marines of all people would come out and stand up for them. My comments back were they fight for our freedom regardless of what and where we are.  All kids deserve to live, play and go to school free of fear and they believe in that as well.  That just thought that was so cool and excited to see this.
We have struggled for a year drumming up support although this is such a serious issue in our society today.  It is like America's Dirty Little Secret in part to the ignorant thought that kids will be kids and they just need to buck up. NO it is not like that, kids will not be like kids anymore times have changed.  Back in the 70-80's we did not have cops in the schools, metal detectors at the school door ways.  We had tornado and fire drills, not shooter in the building drills.  Come on folks when will we all get it.
So my rant could go on forever but I will leave it at that.  This post was supposed to be about the wonderful Marines and other Armed Services coming to the aid of Tariques-Voice and we are forever grateful.
Tarique has decided to do a video to  say thank you and encourage other kids to stand up and be the voice.  Watch for it, it's coming :)
Warmest Wishes
Beth'a, Tarique and the rest of the Tariques-Voice family
www.tariques-voice.org