Friendship comes from unexpected places

Every single day I am reminded that friendship comes from the most unexpected places at the most unexpected times.  This year has been such a blur to me at times and just when I feel like "Oh did I wake up again, I am reminded quite quickly  of the prayer I say to myself daily before I step out of my car and into work.  "God let them hear you through me, let them see you through me, let me make a difference in guiding someones life towards the right path and protect those who are wondering through life with no knowledge of what to do or where to go". 
Someone asked me the other day Beth'a why in the world do you pray every single time before you get out of your car? I work in Mental Health and sometimes to be honest it is not the most healthy nor safest place to be. But that is OK for me because that is where I am destined to be at this time in my life. I pray just in case.....you just never know.

At anyrate my point is, every day I am suprised by the people that I met and the strength that they have even though they are with totally nothing but hope in their lives.  Recently I was blessed to attend a conference in San Diego California. Without the generosity from my CEO Jennifer Moses I would never, I repeat never been able to attend that conference.  It meant so much to me to attend this conference and I was so bummed that I couldn't afford to go. Out of the blue I get an email that I was approved to go to this conference and all the details were already taken care of. Oh what a blessing I would say!  At this conference I met some amazing individuals, I was able to see sights that I would never have been able to see and I was connected with people that I would never have crossed paths with if I was not at this conference. To sum it all up the conference was life changing for me

I came home from this amazing trip and low and behold I get an email through Facebook from a young lady that I had been following her journey for awhile. I could feel her pain and cherished the way that she held her head up high and kept her daughter's memories alive. I was in awe how she was such a strong advocate for mental health, cyber bullying and suicide. My heart ached for the loss she suffered and I am brought back to the day I could have lost my son.

My point with this entire blog is that friendship blossoms in the most unexpected times in our lives. My son pulls strength from the courage this mother holds, from the loss of Amanda and from the advocacy that her mother Carol continues to march on with.  Carol and Amanda have touched so many lives and saved a ton of lives as well including my son. Shortly after my son feeling like he couldn't take it anymore he did a video just like Amanda (he had saw Amanda's and thought it was a great idea to get his point across).  Every since she has been a backbone for him and we are forever grateful.

Today, he received a wonderful and thoughtful package in the mail from Carol and he was on the moon. This woman continues to amaze me and we are so blessed to been graced with her friendship and encouragement.  I can't help but think that Amanda had a little to do with making our paths cross some way or some how!  And the blessings continue.

I say to you once and I say it often..............It starts with ONE! One friend, One smile, One hello can change a life.

Carol Todd you are this boy's Hero Young Lady

AmandaToddLegacy.org

Change Begins With One..... "One Bully at a Time"
Much Love
Beth'a, Tarique and Hanya, Khalid
www.tariques-Voice.org


#anti-bullying, #bully, #friendship, #friend, #smile, #teach, #love, #mom, #suicide, #suicideprovention, #mentalhealth, #teachers, #highschool, #juniorhigh, #meangirls, #bystander, #counselor, #forgiveness, #loving, #struggles, #autism, #autismawareness, #advocate, #advocacy, #social, #socialawareness, #socialwork, #socialworker, #thevoice, #voice, #children, #understanding, #tariques-voice, #onebullyatatime, #onevoice, #one, #computersafety, #online, #onlinesafety

It is a long and dark journey for those who suffer both Bullying behaviors and Mental Health

28% of students ages 12-18 report being bullied

It is a long and dark journey for those who suffer both from Bullying behaviors and Mental Illness.

When one ask what do I think is the most challenging issues of our time? I would have to say the safety and well-being of our children both in our schools, communities and home.  Times have changed so very much from when I was just a wee-thing growing up and it scares me to death for those young kids.  According to an article I read on the Safe Schools Health Students website, each  year millions of children and youth experience the humiliation and devastating effects of bullying.

It begins in early childhood around about the 3rd or 4th grade and continues through adolescence and beyond.  43% of teachers had reported with the National Educational Associations that bullying was a moderate or major problem at their elementary or secondary level schools.

Many who are not stopped and taught the proper ways to handle conflict go on to become work place bullies.The amount of violence and the way the bully carries out their behaviors has drastically increased and become even more dangerous than before.  The once viewed mentally of "boys will be boys" and "it is  a normal rite of passage", it is now seen as a deeply harmful and unacceptable behavior that has lasting  harmful effects and must be stopped and is 100% preventable.

Research indicates that bullying damages the physical, mental, emotional and behavioral health of it's victims.  Victims are not just the children that are the main targets for the bullies because all that are involved such as the child, the bystanders who witness and do nothing, the families involved they are all effected by the bullies actions.  It creates a climate of intense fear and disrespect for everyone involved.

The U.S. Department of Education, Office for Civil Rights can include the following:

• Lowered academic achievement and aspirations
• Increased anxiety both in and out of school
• Loss of self-esteem and confidence causing the child to be recluse 
• Depression and post-traumatic stress requiring treatment
• General deterioration in physical health because the child just doesn't care any longer
• Self-harm and suicidal thinking or developing/carrying out the suicidal plan
• Feelings of alienation in the school environment, including fear of other children
• Absenteeism from school , failing school, not participating in class with others
  
  Those children who already suffer from a mental disability have a higher chance of being bullied and should be assisted quickly and compassionately.  If a mental health organization is already involved reach out to the agency/team and coordinate care so the child can feel safe and not ashamed when speaking of what is going on both in and out of school.
  
  Change Begins With One..... "One Bully at a Time"
  Much Love
  Beth'a, Tarique and Hanya
  www.tariques-Voice.org
  
  
  #anti-bullying, #bully, #friendship, #friend, #smile, #teach, #love, #mom, #suicide, #suicideprovention, #mentalhealth, #teachers, #highschool, #juniorhigh, #meangirls, #bystander, #counselor, #forgiveness, #loving, #struggles, #autism, #autismawareness, #advocate, #advocacy, #social, #socialawareness, #socialwork, #socialworker, #thevoice, #voice, #children, #understanding, #tariques-voice, #onebullyatatime, #onevoice, #one, #computersafety, #online, #onlinesafety

With Christmas brings new devices, new worries, new responsibilites

Well it is that time of year folks and your kids are demanding the newest, the finest that you can find in computers and social media devices.

Are you ready for it? Are you up to the trend as my kids would say?  Is this the first year that you have trusted your let's say 13 year old to finally have the long awaited Face Book account? 

I would encourage you to do your research before you hand over that beautiful wrapped gift.  Without having your child fully prepared for online safety can quickly turn an amazing gift into a nightmare.  Not to scare you but I am just throwing it out there, be prepared and educate on the "Do and Don't" of online fun.

Here are some amazing online sites to keep you up to date. It is just a few but a great place to start learning.

 http://www.safekids.com/kids-rules-for-online-safety/

Keeping Kids Safe Online Tips and Guideline Resources

FBI - Parent Guide to Internet Safety


Change Begins With One..... "One Bully at a Time"
Much Love
Beth'a, Tarique and Hanya
www.tariques-Voice.org


#anti-bullying, #bully, #friendship, #friend, #smile, #teach, #love, #mom, #suicide, #suicideprovention, #mentalhealth, #teachers, #highschool, #juniorhigh, #meangirls, #bystander, #counselor, #forgiveness, #loving, #struggles, #autism, #autismawareness, #advocate, #advocacy, #social, #socialawareness, #socialwork, #socialworker, #thevoice, #voice, #children, #understanding, #tariques-voice, #onebullyatatime, #onevoice, #one, #computersafety, #online, #onlinesafety

Doing you! A Reflection in What Really Matters One Bully at a Time

Over the past few month's I have been on this self-proclaimed journey of finding myself.  What is it that God has intended for me to do, am I on the right journey, should I rethink my career path, am I really making an impact on the Anti-Bullying movement? So many questions and honestly not enough time in the day or the month or even the year to answer those very questions.

As most know I am a Care Manager for a Mental Health Agency located here in Toledo which is where I live with my wonderful and supportive family.  Not all days are the brightest but that is the nature of this particular beast and I have grown to accept that.  I go to work, I plop down in my seat at my little cubicle (One day I shall have a real office LOL), and I say OK today is the day.  Change is going to happen!  Little unknown fact I actually pray in the parking lot before I even get out of my car.  Yes sir I do! While some may think that is absolutely ridiculous you just never know.  I want to be the avenue for someone to change their life.  I was just telling my daughter that with every action there is a reaction.  When we make a choice it impacts another either positively or negative.  Those choices nudge us in one direction or another rather we know this or not. Now I am not saying that I am the Dali-Llama or anything like this but a very wise woman (A.K.A. my mother) told me the night she passed away "when it is your time you want to be able to say why you deserve to be there, make change".  I have been on that mission I think well before I was even a twinkle in my mother's eye.  When I hear Casting Crown's sing the song (Thrive and the other one Broken) I am telling you this man so had me in his mind when he wrote those songs.
But......as I was saying, there are days it is hard very hard.  I have so many visions, so many desires to make change and often have no clue where to turn for support or guidance and I feel as a little lost pup just trying to figure out how to make it in that big bad world.  Then I see one of my client's or one of the other Care Managers have me speak to one of their client's who may be either a bully or a victim and I know right then and there OK suck it up buttercup time to get to work and make it happen.  I hear stories that will make your head explode with anger at the same time your heart sink with pain. 
I am from the Mountains, Good ole' Blessed All Most Heaven West Virginia....Raised in the 70's (yes I totally just dated myself) and I just hate how this world has become and how our children are so afraid to even go to school. While social connections with the internet have made lives better in so many ways it has created a whole new beast and not for the best.

Every day I must read at least 4 or more journal articles regarding the linkage of school violence and Bullying behaviors.  The increase in Mental Health for adolescence and the linkage of Bullying Behaviors.  Gangs popping up just every where, criminal behaviors in our youth the numbers are climbing, young girls turning to prostitution because they want to feel loved at the same time protected.  Kids pulling out cell phones to record the fights in school versus standing up for their fellow classmates. I mean seriously I could go on and on and trust me it doesn't get any better.
Communities and schools say their hands are tied because of funding, yet our children are killing themselves or others because of the fear and the feelings of just not being able to take it any longer.  They are not educated in where to turn, what to do for others and feeling safe enough to take those actions.  Instead they turn to either violence themselves or ending it the only way they know how.

 As a mother who has experienced this in her own home, a social worker who sees this daily it just breaks my heart but honestly I feel like David versus Goliath at times.  I will continue the fight "One Bully at a Time"  Change always happen, sometimes not at the pace we would like, but I will be there when it does.....

This face, this smile, his spirit for Forgiveness pushes me so far. When I feel like I just am getting no where I often think of how many times I could have lost him, the struggles he has been given in his life since birth. I quickly realize my pity party is ridiculous and embarrassing to even admit.  If this boy can smile and say time and time again I forgive those who have hurt me I just want to be a friend then I can continue to fight.

Change Begins With One..... "One Bully at a Time"
Much Love
Beth'a, Tarique and Hanya
www.tariques-Voice.org


#anti-bullying, #bully, #friendship, #friend, #smile, #teach, #love, #mom, #suicide, #suicideprovention, #mentalhealth, #teachers, #highschool, #juniorhigh, #meangirls, #bystander, #counselor, #forgiveness, #loving, #struggles, #autism, #autismawareness, #advocate, #advocacy, #social, #socialawareness, #socialwork, #socialworker, #thevoice, #voice, #children, #understanding

An Oprah Ah-Ha Moment in the land of Sunny Cali

The flight to San Diego was long but well worth it. The sun was shining while my home town of Perrysburg was in frozen tundra. Off I went to mingle and pick the brains of those of like mind. All these amazing individuals all here for the same purpose, HOW CAN WE STOP THE BULLY, How can we educate and how can we make a difference. 

International Anti-Bullying Convention in California

I quickly realized after only a few minutes that my home, my community, the schools that my children attend is majorly behind in times when it comes to the fight of “Bullying Behaviors”.   How can this be?  We pride ourselves on a decent education, Blue Ribbons schools and the finest of the finest when it comes to Mid-West living, however when I walk around and hear stories of what other schools and communities are doing to make sure that their children feel safe and secure while they attend school, play in their neighborhoods or honestly actually work, I start to feel sick to my stomach. No joke I at one point thought I was going to pass out because of all the information I was hearing. I was a little, no scratch that a lot embarrassed when people asked what do I do and what is my community doing in this arena.

I feel as if we are such failures for not only our children but ourselves.  When you think of the word Bully most individuals will think of the typical school yard bully. I am here to tell you it is much deeper than that, considerably deeper.  Bullies do not discriminate, they could care less if you were from a wealthy family, poor family, typical family with mom and dad or if you simply just have one parent struggling to keep their kids in line.  You could have 1 mom; 2 moms; 1 dad; 2 dads or even be in foster care a bully will find their way under that thick skin.  Again, they do not discriminate everyone is fair play when it comes to their game plan.

Myself with Dr. Dan Olweus and his sister from Norway

I was blessed enough to meet and speak with Dr. Dan Owelvus from Norway who has been the leader in Bullying Prevention for many, many years. I met with developers of bullying programs and applications, literary authors of educational as well as real life inspirational stories.  I was lucky enough to meet a few film directors, district attorney’s, leading world researchers in bullying prevention and the list could go on and on.  And with each one of the individuals I was able to share the story of my son Tarique and all about Tariques-Voice.org.  I was shocked by the encouragement, the willingness to help get the organization off the ground, the exchange of personal cell phone numbers, emails and such to be there if we needed extra guidance.  I had many people who were willing to come to Ohio for FREE to help me, to speak to the schools, to guide Tarique in his quest for advocacy.

 For over a year I have been attempting to embed Tariques-Voice into our community and doing this all on my own.  Many who know me understand that I am a social worker for a large Mental Health Organization called Zepf Mental Health. While I am grateful for their wiliness to allow me to share my passion regarding bullying here and there, let’s face it my income from Zepf alone cannot support my family and my organization, it barely supports me enough to feed my own children.  Yet each night I come home and I research, I blog, I connect to children who reach out through Tariques-Voice looking for someone to hear their cry.

I was able this week to really see the severe need in our community and how blind the schools and variety of agencies can be when it comes to Bullying.  They believe that a poster here, a pep rally there and let’s maybe put a Bullying Reporting box in the front of the classrooms are going to be enough.  So many children are suffering on so many levels it is absolutely mind blowing when you take a look at the numbers.  Some would say “what is a little bit of teasing going to do, it helps put hair on their chest”.  Well let’s entertain that utterly ridiculous idea for just a second. Supposed it does put “a little bit of hair on their chest”, but what about the layers beneath? Coming from the mental health world I see it affect kids and adults on so many levels such as depression, suicidal thoughts, attempts of suicide, the beginnings of alcohol and drug use, prostitution, gang activity, post-traumatic stress stemming from the continued trauma after being exposed to bullying behaviors time and time again.  Many of these children live in poverty stricken areas where life in itself if hard and to deal with continued ridicule day in and day out from the “bully” at times kids just say enough is enough.  This my friends is where the guns come into play, kids reach out, nothing is done and well face it they take care of business the only way they know how.  They either kill themselves or kill those who have inflicted the pain upon them.  But does it have to be that way?  Where as a society can we step in and say “I hear you”.

This is my Ahhhh-Ha moment!  I had questioned am I doing enough? What different actions can I take to really get out there and make a difference?  Do I continue to feel bound by the chains of the 9-5 and continue to struggle to get Tariques-Voice out there and working for our kids or do I say “I AM ALL IN AND I AM IN THIS TO WIN IT”.   Life is so short and so precious, why should we live in fear? Should we not all be fundamentally able to go to school and be educated, experience the joys of just being a kid without being afraid?  

As a momma I don’t want to be that mom who stands over her kids casket or any kid for that matter and say “I wished I could have done more, I wished I saw the signs, I wished I heard your cry, I wished you could have felt that you could have come to me, I wished I could have shown you the power of love; goodness and genuine kindness and I wished you knew deep in your heart that you are not alone!

And so my journey will continue……Tariques-Voice will be the voice of our community if I spend every moment of my life to make that happen. The struggles he endured the pain and agony that was bestowed upon him as well as my entire family will not be in vain. It starts with ONE people…..One voice, one kind word, and one simple smile to save a life.  

When you go out and about in your regular day please remember this “A person’s name is the strongest most powerful sound in the universe of language.  When you say their name you are providing an affirmation of that person’s existence and that might be the only kind word they hear for that day” And guess what IT’S FREE AND SIMPLE TO PROVIDE.

With that I leave you my friend

Let’s do this “ONE BULLY AT A TIME” IT START’S WITH ONE WILL YOU BE THAT ONE?

Much Love xooxox
Momma Shamy

You have the power all along

You have the power all along to make a difference in someone's life. A simple smile, a spread of a good word or simply just affirming another persons presence can be so powerful and may honestly change the course of that persons life for the better.

The power of ONE is so amazing. It Start's with ONE and soon it will spread like wild fire. It requires no certain age, race, religion, wealth! It simply requires one thing.....

Good Intentions within the heart.

www.Tariques-Voice.org
One Bully at a Time

A smile takes a glipse of a second but last.....

www.Tariques-Voice.org
One Bully at a Time

You Never Stop Being a Momma

Do you ever sit back and think about when you were younger what it would be like to be a parent? The little voice inside you that wondered what it would be like to create something so wonderful, to have a little one to care for and the fact that you knew there would always be forever and ever someone to love you unconditionally no matter what?
We get so caught up in our lives and we want to grow up so fast it seems now days, it was like that oh 30 plus years ago for me as well. I couldn't wait to get out of those mountains and live in a big city. I was so desperate I even joined the military as a young mother of 3.  Now that I am in my mid 40's I sit back and think what would I have done differently as a young mother?  I spent so many of my teenage year's as a poor Appalachian girl longing to just have a family of my own. I was from a divorced family and I wanted to prove to myself that all families were not so dysfunctional, I wanted to break that cycle that so many Appalachian families that I personally knew back in the  70's and 80's were living.
I was always so independent, soaking up any knowledge I could get my brain wrapped around, learning new tools and tricks of the trades. I wanted to be prepared for just about anything that was heading my way. I was head strong and typical "Mountain-Irish", my flaming red hair always gave me away to be as stubborn as they come and to this day that trait holds true. I remember sitting many nights with my mom at her work at Mountain State Nursing home, way back in the day and just taken back by the conversations I would have with many of the residents. It was as if I was one of them, like my soul was just as old but literally I must have been less than 9 or 10 at the time.
When my mom passed away I became so obsessed with Ancestry.com I realized when my mom died I really knew nothing of my very internationally blended families history. I spent days, weeks, months digging and digging and linking to new family members. Learning my rich history and piecing the puzzle together of why I am driven to do the things I do in my life was becoming very clear at the click of the mouse.
Now that half my life as came and went I still can't help but wonder what I could have done differently to be a better daughter, sister, mother, wife and believer.  We take actions in our life that are knee jerk and we don't think about the cycle of events that become from that,who will they affect or how it will all pan out.
Often I will hear someone say "Oh my gosh Beth'a you should write a story about your life, there is always something so interesting" I think to myself really you must live a really boring life, because I was simply trying to survive mine.  But must it be that way? Must we just survive our lives and not thrive in them the way we are meant to be?
We as parents are what lay the ground work for our children. I was lucky enough to be blessed with 5 beautiful children and 4 granddaughters. Have they made the best choices in life, probably not but that is OK because we NEVER stop being their momma. From the second that pregnancy test says "GUESS WHAT IS COMING YOUR WAY" we become their protectors until the day we die. And honestly sometimes after, I swear to you my momma still makes a grand appearance some way or some how with her influences.
Times are changing people and it is getting more and more dangerous even as I write this blog. We as momma's have the power to make that difference and it starts in the home. I had another one of my workmates share with me the other day a dad stated that all this bully awareness crap was a waste of time it does no good. AND you know what he is right if we don't start at home! RESPECT AND DIGNITY this is becoming a lost art that we desperately have to teach our kids again. Just because they are grown, married and have their own children does not mean a thing! YOU ARE STILL THEIR MOMMA FOREVER AND EVER!

www.tariques-voice.org
One Bully at a Time

Anti-Bully Awareness Month - Tariques Voice.org

I love that it is the change of the season because it is always a fresh new start to make changes in your own life. I myself even with all that is on my plate often use the season change to evaluate my own life and wonder ummm should I change this or that, could I have made better choices.  Trust me in my house hold this is done on a daily basis not with the season change :)
I am super excited with the direction that Tariques-Voice is going. It might be slow but we are still reaching out there one bully at a time, plugging away and answering many questions and listening to stories that come in. As many of you know I am blessed to be a social worker in a Community Mental Health Field. While most, well wait all social workers do not become social workers to become rich we often find our richness in others ways. While this might not keep the lights on in the house or the nicest of things in our possession it is always wonderful when your hard work and dedication is starting to appear as if it is paying off.
For me I am super lucky because we have a CEO of our company that I work my " Day-JOB" is just as passionate about fighting this Bully fight as much as I am.  I am also blessed that she has allowed me to take on this passion here at work, mind you all my other work needs to be completed as well but I am really OK with this as long as I am able to work on my bully battle as well.  In November I am grateful that my work has sponsored me to attend the International Bullying Association convention that will be located in San Diego California. This is super exciting because Dan Oweus will be there teaching not to mention many other pioneers in this field. Networking is going to be crazy exciting and just picking the brains of all those who are out there in the trenches fighting the fight.  I am happy that I can go soak up not only the sun but all this goodness and bring it back to our area and really develop some nice programming and get out there and make it all happen.  So keep your ears and eyes out for Tariques-Voice because we are fast coming your way.
"ONE BULLY AT A TIME".

www.tariques-voice.org

Shout out to all those who serve our wonderful country

Over the past few days we have had a sudden urge in likes on our Tariques-Voice facebook page.  I was so excited yet could not figure out why it was much, not that I am complaining :)
I start to read all the wonderful and inspiring comments and realize that they came because of my oldest son who is a former Marine.  They always say once a Marine always a Marine this is so true.  They really came out in the masses to support this cause that we started a year ago and it has made a world of difference to not only my son but to many others that come to this page to ask for some support and guidance as well as educating themselves on how to handle issues that would arise in the schools or the communities.  There are a few kids that follow the page that have sent me private messages to tell me that they are so shocked that the Marines of all people would come out and stand up for them. My comments back were they fight for our freedom regardless of what and where we are.  All kids deserve to live, play and go to school free of fear and they believe in that as well.  That just thought that was so cool and excited to see this.
We have struggled for a year drumming up support although this is such a serious issue in our society today.  It is like America's Dirty Little Secret in part to the ignorant thought that kids will be kids and they just need to buck up. NO it is not like that, kids will not be like kids anymore times have changed.  Back in the 70-80's we did not have cops in the schools, metal detectors at the school door ways.  We had tornado and fire drills, not shooter in the building drills.  Come on folks when will we all get it.
So my rant could go on forever but I will leave it at that.  This post was supposed to be about the wonderful Marines and other Armed Services coming to the aid of Tariques-Voice and we are forever grateful.
Tarique has decided to do a video to  say thank you and encourage other kids to stand up and be the voice.  Watch for it, it's coming :)
Warmest Wishes
Beth'a, Tarique and the rest of the Tariques-Voice family
www.tariques-voice.org

Almost a year since this journey started.

The story behind Tariques-voice: http://youtu.be/3bx1A1PnOLM

The Prevalence of Bullying and the Severe Consequences

Bullying is such a severe and pervasive problem in our schools and communities now.  Times have changed and with the ease of social media at our finger tips at any second of the day the ease of being a bully has taken on a whole new meaning.

Despite the rise of bullying behaviors in schools and the attention it has gotten you would think that schools would give it more attention than it does. But the sad fact is that they don't. Even worse is the communities do not demand it.  We pay taxes, we send our children to school and think that once they are there they will be safe and receiving a wonderful education.  Schools do have a wide variety of resources at their hands to develop strategies to prevent and decrease bullying.  And the good news is that once the communities have started to rise up and demand it the school boards are putting that action into place.  They have become more open to allowing outside agencies come in and help develop programs or offer their services to the schools at either no cost or little cost. 

In order for schools to make a real advance against the fight in bullying behaviors they must be all feet in and willing to do whatever it takes.  The need to be part of a district-wide anti-bullying campaign that has the commitment of all their staff, students and their parents.  While some schools simply have a one time assembly "stating bullying is not tolerated" this is not acceptable.
There needs to be a comprehensive, multifaceted, wide-ranging program that addresses the school climate and culture.  This approach will ensure the best results and the greater chance and making sure kids are safer in their schools.
Clearly bullying is an issue that not only resides in the schools but it is in our communities, homes and work. 

Society must address this change and I leave you with this:

"If we are to reach real peace in the world, we shall have to begin with our children - Gandhi

Bullying from a Policy Perspective

Kids these days yearn for a school that they can go to and feel safe. Those type of schools are few and far between now days. I remember the days where there were not alarms on doors where you had to be buzzed into the school, you did not have to wear a name tag and certainly there were not police officers roaming the halls. But face it those days are long over.
As you send your kid to school this year and you look to address the school climate particulary in respects to bullying, it is important to review your boards policies to insure they are inline with current state and federal laws and reflect the district's zero-tolerance stance.  You might think that this information is not easily available to you as a normal parent, but it is and it is our right as parents to demand it.
Bullying and harassment is a very serious issue in schools and there has been a great amount of discussion in legislation about the subject. In Ohio there was a passage of Ohio House Bill (HB) 116, the Jessica Logan Act.  Jessica committed suicide in 2008 after relentless cyber-bullying and other harassment. So you should be aware of three (3) key policies that a board MUST adopt are:
Zero Tolerance; hazing and bullying; and Internet safety policies.
According to state law, all school boards must adopt a zero-tolerance policy.  This policy should contain a statement that "the board has "zero tolerance of violent, disruptive, harassing, intimidating, bullying or other inappropriate behavior by it's students."  Within this policy, it is important to state that students will be disciplined for failure to comply with this policy. The policy does not have to outline the specific discipline, but rather refer to the procedures in the student handbook.  The district MUST provide written information about the zero-tolerance policy to students and parents annually.
Most schools do this by putting a "Blurb" about it in the student hand book. But  let's get real here how many student's read those and honestly how many parent's of those kids get to see it in the book. I know my kid's don't show me their student hand book and I am all over them about this sort of thing.  What about the parent's who are not? 
A little less known fact:
In 2009 HB 19 added the requirement that districts are to provide continuing education instruction in grades 7 through 12 regarding dating violence prevention. This should be stated in the zero-tolerance policy and in the district's hazing and bullying policy.
So when your kids get their books look in them and check.  If that information is not in there, if your kids are not getting their educational instruction about this DEMAND it from your Educational Board.

www.tariques-voice.org

Is your Kid a Bully? What does it mean to be a bully?

What Is Bullying?
It's bullying if:
• One person is hurting or harming another with words or behavior.
• It is being done on purpose.
• The person being hurt has a hard time making it stop.
• The kids who are doing it have more power.*
*“Power” can mean the person bullying is older, bigger or stronger,
more popular, or there’s a group of kids who “gang up” on someone.

Bullying can be:

Physical: This one’s easy to recognize. This is when someone pushes, shoves, hits, kicks, bites, or otherwise hurts another kid’s body. It can also include taking or damaging someone else’s things.

Verbal: It’s really common because it is quick, direct, and easy to do.  Examples include teasing, name calling, threats, mean jokes, rumors, gossip, and saying things about someone that aren’t true.

Emotional: This type of bullying isn’t always obvious, but it can hurt a lot.  It hurts people on the inside and makes them feel bad about themselves.  Examples include leaving someone out on purpose, telling lies about  someone, and embarrassing somebody publicly. 

Cyberbullying: Using technology is the newest way to bully. Examples include sending mean text messages, posting videos, stories, or photos that make fun of someone, and spreading rumors online.

 A lot of kids describe bullying as, "When someone tries to make you feel bad about yourself.”

"They only have the power if you let them have the power"

Be a Friend, Receive a Friend the 5 Must Do's when it come's to a Bully

Everyone goes to school the first day and they think, Okay it is a new day and a new year, time for a fresh start.  But then you approach those same faces you tried your hardest to stay away from the year before.  And before you know it the day does not feel like a brand new day but yet more like Ground Hog Day!

Here are some 5 simple rules when it comes to a bully! Set the tone first and foremost at the start of the year.  Bullies tend to go towards the more meeker looking student's.  Those they feel they can target easy and continue to abuse throughout the year.

The old saying that there is safety in number's rings true!  I suggest that you be a friend and you will in return receive a friend.  Make a goal to at least meet 1 new friend a day.  If that is too much then aim for at least 1 new friend per week.  Mix it up a little and try to sit at different lunch tables throughout the week if you are allowed.  Hopefully you will have different locker neighbors so you are able to introduce yourself.  Make it a point to be friendly.  It is hard to pick on someone that everyone knows.

www.tariques-Voice.org
A Place to Educate, Encourage and Support

Are you Gearing up for School yet?

Are you ready for the school year to start? I bet a lot of parent's including myself are beyond excited. However, there might be some kiddo's who are not all on board as of yet.  It might be because they don't want summer to end or that they don't want to endure another year of "prison" tortured by their bully either out in the open or on the down low. 
As a mother who knows first hand, I have spent my entire summer day in and day out preparing my son on how to behave appropriately if he is bullied again this year.  What steps he must take if it happens again to him or if he sees it happen to another student.  I have spent the entire summer preparing my son to be an UpStander this year around and to teach others to do the same.  I am so proud of the young advocate he has become and the countless hours of research both my daughter and my son has done to be better informed.
Parent's take the time sit with your kid's for at least 10 minutes and talk about what it means to be an UpStander and a ByStander.  We will be putting up tips for speaking with your kids and survey's such as"Is your kid a bully?" and "Is your child being bullied"?

Please send in all questions or concerns. We would love to hear from you.....

Tarique's Voice has touched a few here at there all over the world

Awww I get so amazed when I look to see where the views are coming from only to see that they are all over the world.  Now there is a bonus that people are coming to the site, but it is sad to know that in reality people are bullied every where around the world it is not just America.  Bullies DO NOT discriminate people and this just proves it.
It does not matter where you live, what language you speak, what God you worship there is no doubt going to be a bully standing there waiting to hit their mark.
To date we have had the following countries:
United States, Canada, Mexico, Brazil, Nigeria, United Kingdom, Norway, Argentina, Germany, France, Egypt, Poland and Tel Aviv-Israel.
Is that not just amazing!  As one we will make a difference and YOUR voice will be heard all over the world. "One Bully at a Time"

The golden road is always better with a friend!

Today is a great day!

Today is a great day!

"Forget yesterday it has already forgotten you.
Don’t sweat tomorrow you haven’t even met.
Instead, open your eyes and your heart to a truly precious gift TODAY."

Borrowed this from an inspirational link on Facebook called "Woman" they have the best inspirational post every day.

 

I had to steal this statement from my daughter's old blog that she had a few year's back called "Dear Hanya a Teen's Perspective."  It is so true, why do we worry about what happened yesterday and instead focus on what path we can do that we don't make the same poor choices that we made even moments before?

Free will is just that! It is free and it is ours to do with as we please. DON'T ever let anyone tell you otherwise. Be you and only you!  This my friend is what makes you unique.

Words to Live by

Wisdom Wednesday

"I know sometimes it feels like you can't win no matter what you do, but the point is that YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING. Let the haters fall to the side while you get back up and try again. Just stay positive and keep going." - T-Pain

"Take a long pause ...breathe and know that things are happening for you not to you." - Ashton Kutcher

"Some people may hate you for being different and not living by SOCIETY's standards, but deep down they wish they had the courage to do the same." - kevin Hart via Renechia Starks

 

What is your thoughts you would like to share for Wisdom Wednesday?

Send them in to:
admin@tariques-voice.org
We would love to hear what you have to say

A look over the past 6 months here at Tarique's Voice

Over the past year since I started Tariques-Voice, I have encountered many sleepless nights, tears, self-doubt and anger with the more intense research and stories that were shared with me.
I started this organization because of the torment that my son Tarique had endured over and over.  We all can remember the anger that spilled over into my heart when the straw broke the camel's back that one late fall night my son laid in agony and pain over some poor choices of others.  Can I state that it was a hate crime or that it was plain and simple an assault maybe so....but as a social worker and as a mom taking it from my own son Tarique's book I choose to use the words "Poor Choices".  There were so many ways that night could have lead us down many paths. My son was the one who said "let's forgive, move on and create a SAFE PLACE others can come and get help. Mom a place they can know that others share the same thoughts, feelings and desires to help another".  My GOD a child that has been through hell and back is stating FORGIVENESS.  Even after what came to light of all the things that happened to him he said MOM FORGIVE and EDUCATE.

I have taken this road all by myself over the months. We are a simple family, a family that works hard for every single cent that comes into this house.  But with any amazing grass roots movement sacrifice must come from some where. My family was willing to cut back on that family outing, new clothes or whatever it took to be able to support the needs of Tarique's Voice and getting the word out there.  I even took on a second job, my husband 3 just so we could keep this going.

With that being said we are averaging approximately 100 views of the website a week, over 1692 views of the blog and numerous emails of support and stories that individuals have wanted to share.  Now while that might not sound like many please keep in mind 1 "ONE" is to many.  NO child should ever feel alone, no child should ever feel the need to cut, to do drugs, to take pills, to think of ways to die, to think of ways to kill, join a gang, prostitute to belong and have a family. NO child should be less than that living the life of a child.......

So when you go out and start your day please think of that.
Thank you all for your support and guidance as we continue you this journey.

Summer time reach out

The summer is full of fun and exciting time for the kids who often in that last month of school count down the day on their calendar when they can escape those long hallways of dread.  But for some they know that the summer means long days of being alone with no one not even their parents who are often working long hours.
I saw this picture of a little girl and her dog along the water. It made me think of how some children only have that family dog, cat or even a pet fish to keep them company.  Some kids would rather be in those halls of "Dread" just so they had some sort of social action.  Not every one can afford the YMCA, summer camps or even transporation to a local playground.  Many won't go to a local playground out of fear that they might run into that one kid who just doesn't want them there.
Would it not be nice to have a "safe place" for them to go, hang out and speak to someone that is sharing the same feelings and desires as themselves?  A place they can go and participate in maybe Art class, gardening, yoga, cooking or other groups that they can just express themselves at the same time build on successful relationship skills, coping skills?  A place like no other that is for children that are bullied or want help for being a bully.  A place parents who can come together and have support groups.
During school if a kid is bullied they may or may not be able to go to their school counselor.  Studies show that many do not because they are afraid someone is going to see them doing it. And you know the old saying is: Snitches get stitches.  My goal is to have a "safe place" that kids can go and express themselves and participate in Mental Health programs to work on their inside feelings as well as assuring them that they are loved, people do care and they are worth something. Many do not feel that way.  Teachers don't always have time and if we can get the community involved this is going to make a huge difference.  Think about it.
If we dream it, it will happen I promise you.
It takes a Village to raise a child....