Surgery was a Success! Now we keep on moving with Forgiveness and Healing

Well if I have learned anything from this whole experience is to look at the strength of my own child and understand that Forgiveness is a great God given gift.

After all this child has been through year in and year out he still say's that he forgives those who had done this to him and that their actions were not actions of their own but something that they themselves have learned.  So I thought this saying from Nelson Mandela was just perfect.

Countdown for surgery time

Well it is almost that time. The light at the end of the tunnel is just about 9 weeks away.  Finally Tarique is scheduled for his ACL surgery and we were lucky enough to have a surgeon who understood the situation and fit us in to his schedule before the end of the year. 

Tarique is showing signs of major anxiety and luckily will be seeing his therapist the night before the surgery to discuss his fears.  The day after he found out he was having surgery, he slept from the moment he got home from school until the next day and he has been sleeping like that since he found out.

I am blessed to work with some wonderful doctor's who increased his medications for his anxiety. I think that also has something to do with all his sleeping but at least his anxiety has lessened.  It also appears that Tarique has started to make some friends at school and they have accepted him for all his little quirks and they are OK with that.  I think his some times "Autism-Odd" behaviors is what makes him really unique and I honestly hope that never changes.  He is adapting to being less socially awkward, but still struggling to understand what is "normal social behaviors" and what others would consider out right strange.  For him it is the other way around.  Those around him acting "Normal" is really not normal, and he is struggling to understand societies "right" way if there is even a right way to act......

On another note we are working around the clock to finalize our programs that will be in place the upcoming school year in a few hand picked charter schools in our neighboring county. We have some wonderful individuals who have offered to help with the website and my goal is to have it up and live before the end of the year.  Which means the time is clicking because Father Time is within arms reach.  Videos are in the works to go on the website and our team has met with some great kids who have shared some bully experiences with us and are willing to be featured on our new Anti-Bullying website.  I am so excited for what 2014 has to offer for Tarique's Voice.  I am often reminded that we can not change the world, until we change ourselves and I find myself counting a few seconds before I speak now in my own life.  Word's have such an impact on a person's life. Look at how Mandela made such an impact on people's lives. What if 1 person did good and it started a chain reaction how our lives can be changed. The possibilities are unlimited.

Until next time remember......  One Bully at a Time....We can make a difference.
Warmest Wishes
Beth'a

The Holiday's are in Full Force Bring on the White Stuff

The good old white stuff is just around the corner are you ready?

I love this time of year because people really do appear to come together in an act of kindness and forgiveness and a majority of the time perform acts of kindness from their hearts.
I could only wish that this would carry all year around but I guess baby steps.

After a very disappointing surgeon appointment last week, we will continue to hold our heads up and wait for the surgery to happen. I have a feeling it will be right around the time we were supposed to go on vacation. MRI results were just as they were a month and half before, but now we must see yet another surgeon who specializes in Pediatric surgery.  Why on earth did the first doctor not recommend that in the first place is beyond me, but hey I am just a social worker so....

In the meantime we will keep plugging away at developing school programs to move Tarique's - Voice forward. The team has been meeting on a regular basis and throwing amazing idea's out there left and right. Whoever said a grass-roots movement is easy lied but I can tell you it is well worth all the sleepless nights.
Our website www.tariques-voice.org is in the works and should be up and running very soon.  We have some great fundraising idea's so that we are able to get into these schools and get this anti-bulling "One Bully at a Time" movement full steam ahead.  The year 2014 hold's much promise.

All Aboard the Lobbyist Train ~

One Guess Where the Team is Going?

 

A few year's back I went with a group of very dedicated social worker's to lobby against Human Trafficking.  While speaking to my colleague regarding Tarique's Voice and describing what our mission was all about,  he reminded me that maybe it is time for another trip to the capital and advocate yet again.  Needless to say he was all aboard the Lobby Train! 

Thanks Rob Davison for the inspiration yet again.

Just wait the Board of Education thought I was a pain in the rear wait until I start pounding the pavements of the capital hallway to place the issue of bullies at their doorsteps.

Tarique's Voice Team Assembled and is now Ready to Rock and Roll

Well the team has finally officially been assembled and I am pleased to announce that we are now fully staffed with some amazing individuals that have dedicated themselves to helping with this grass roots movement and getting “Tarique’s Voice” off the ground and running.

Tarique’s Voice now has 7 fully dedicated members and 2 teen advisers who will work diligently to get things up and running the way we have envisioned it to run.  We have had some very successful (brain-storming) session with lots of wonderful and exciting ideas thrown around.  I can honestly say I have lain in bed at night not able to sleep because I want to put every single idea in place.  The passion this team has to really educate about bullies and how to advocate for those who have been bullied really just blows me away and makes me feel truly blessed to have this wonderful team working with me.  

In the near future we will have some great programs in place to offer to our communities, schools and courts and are excited about getting out there and fighting this fight.  In the meantime we are hard at work with the beginning stages of building this organization and we appreciate all those volunteers who have stepped up and continue to step up in making this dream possible.  

Please share your stories, you are not alone!  If you would like for a member of “Tarique’s Voice” to contact you please inbox us and we will contact you right away.

Thank you so very much for all your support!

We will win this fight “One Bully at a Time”

Warmest Wishes

Beth’a and the Team

The Boy Behind the Voice

 
   I sat here tonight watching him sleep. So peaceful as if he never had a worry in the world. It got me thinking so I dug through the many photo boxes I had from over the years. I found the one book where he had just started a special school for children with Autism, he was probably around 3 or 4 at the time.
     The book was titled "From the Motion Room, Friends in motion". Basically it was the sensory room where they took 3-4 children on the spectrum and provided different therapies with them. In each and every one of  the pictures I saw a smile on his face from to ear to ear. I looked a little bit closer and I also noticed in each picture his fingers balled up which is something he did when he was frightful and over loaded.  The unique thing was although he was frightful he still smiled, he still had hope and a desire to achieve even though he was clearly uncomfortable.
     When Tarique was growing up it was always so hard to judge his emotions. He was always happy even though he was sick, sad, angry or hurt.  We just never really knew how to understand him but one clue was those fingers they were always a dead give away. As they began to ball up or he would play with his fingers we knew something was going through his mind and he was trying his hardest to process it.  Tarique was asked by his doctor, "when people talk to you or you read a story, watch a TV show what do you see in your mind". He replied "I see everything in pictures, like it is a constant show playing in my mind or a video game and I am in the video game. It never stops it is always running in my mind."  Constantly he is playing out possible scenes in his mind and trying to figure out how he is supposed to behave.

     This is something that I believe is a big issue for many children on the Spectrum.  A majority of them really have a strong desire to please and to belong with an immense sense of trust in a majority of individuals.  I would hear and see children clearly be mean to Tarique as he was growing up and he would stand there with a smile on his face as if they just told him he was the most important person in the world. It broke my heart every single time because I knew he had no clue they were making fun of him or that he was the butt of their jokes 99% of the time.  To this day he still does not even understand when that happens.

     I think to myself that maybe this Revolution I have decided to take on might be to much. Maybe I should just focus on what I have been doing for the past 12 years and that was preparing him for life out there in that big bad world. But then I find some notes he has scribbled down in his journal, pictures he has drawn secretly and tucked them away, or post he has typed online and it breaks my heart even more. Behind that lovable smile and that award winning some what awkward personality this child is dying inside.         Think about how we feel as "regular" people when we hear someone make a comment about us, look at us even a tide bit funny or if we even feel like someone is making fun of us or degrading us in any fashion. It hurts!  Now imagine when you have a mind that never stops and that is all you think about when you want to belong so bad, when you want to be just normal. 

     Tarique was a child that was not even supposed to have been born.  He was a child locked away in his mind for many year's until he was able to find his voice and use it, but even then he doesn't know how all the time.  I found a post on instagram where he states "I Just hate really getting bossed around, get cyber bullied and bullied and more just really can't handle it".  The second I read that I realized this is my mission, this was his destiny, this was his voice!  Tarique knows he is not alone now with Tarique's Voice and the potential to reach an unlimited amount of kids some with Autism and some with not! All however share the same struggles he does and that he really is NOT alone. This excites him and makes him very proud and full of self worth.
It simply makes my heart melt.
     And with that being said I leave you with this very inspirational picture. It is Tarique when he was oh about 4. He is strong, but his heart is breaking and even though he has his voice he questions does he really?

Salmon Swimming up Stream

Over the past month “Tarique’s Voice” has been blessed with a small handful of professionals ranging from therapist, teachers, nurses, mental health professionals, community activist and a CEO all willing to band together and get this grassroots movement off the floor and running.  With this being said each individual has taken on a role that best fits their passion with this movement.  With all their help it allows me to focus more with my son and making sure that he moves on and grows with this experience.  

There will always be some individuals who dislike when there are others who stand up for what is right.  And when change is not popular in our society, it’s kind of like a salmon swimming against the current in away.  People are not always going to agree with what we are trying to accomplish and that’s OK because I am all about Free Speech but……

I have thought long and hard over the past few days what direction I want “Tarique’s Voice” to go.  I have also thought about how individuals somehow manage to bring up the night that my family would rather let go. While it is true that Tarique was a catalyst for this movement, that 1 night was simply the straw that broke the camel’s back. Tarique has suffered abuse from bullies for a number of years and with all those years of nothing happening we as his parent’s decided enough was enough.

We HAVE not talked about that ballgame night in weeks and have not said anything bad towards those children involved including my child.  At the end of the day children are children and it is our jobs as adult’s to protect them. I realize that Tarique has a ton of supporter’s and we are appreciative and the other children involved have the same.  So if we keep bringing up that night it will always go back and forth with nothing getting accomplished.  We should learn from our children something that all the kids involved have shown and that is “Character and Forgiveness”.  

While this page started with my child it does not just end with my child.  I personally don’t want to wait until a child is dead or kills someone else to be an advocate for this cause.  With that being said if there are post regarding the night of the ballgame or any of the children involved it will be DELETED.  It is time to move on and focus on the bigger picture and that is the issue of Bullies in general. 

This page is meant to Educate, Encourage and Support not bash and I just won’t tolerate it. I will not allow this page to be used to intimidate or hurt others.  If you don’t like what the page stands for or the individuals that support it then just move on we are OK with that and we appreciate the time you did take to visit.

To all those that continue to Educate, Encourage and Support us, we are so thankful and appreciate you standing up and helping to Eradicate the Bullies in our movement.

Respectfully,

Beth’a and “Tarique’s Voice” team

Has bullying gotten worse? : Parenting

Has bullying gotten worse? : Parenting

Moving Forward and Growing Larger Just as Those Before Us Had!

One of the smartest things I have done in a long time was take one of "Tarique's Voice" administrators advice and I took a step back for a few days and really allowed for everything to sink in.

Over the past month times in this household have went from countless hours of crying then moment's of rage of what had and continues happening to not only my son but millions of others by the hour.

I have had so many wonderful individuals come forward to say "Yes this is a problem and we are supporting you".  My son was a catalyst to starting this movement, however I have had the opportunity to hear so many stories of victims and I realized that this movement MUST go forward and it MUST get bigger.

I began to become obsessed laying awake at night looking at the history over the past 100 years of bullies in our society.  Looking at those that start from early school age, adolescents and then work place bullies.  Bullies are not just particular individuals they can also come in the fashion of communities, corporations and even large societies.  It just boggles my mind on how twisted it can really be and then I began to think of all those Civil Rights Individuals and thought about the battles they endured in their time.

I thought about Rosa Parks "the first lady of civil rights" and "the mother of the freedom movement".

 
I thought about Martin Luther King J.R. an American clergyman, activist, humanitarian, and leader in the African-American Civil Rights Movement. I have read over and over his "Dream Speech" and one part stands out to me more than another.

 I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

Character!!!!

Most children that are bullied feel as if they do not have a voice.  Too often no one listens to them because 9 times out of 10 there is some little bit of uniqueness that others would think is a little on the "weird" side.  Parent's do no step forward because they feel as if they have no hope to battle the system.  So the cycle continues and the victim later on becomes the victim bully.


Today is the day we take a stand!  Today is the day we are Pro-Active instead of Re-Active. Why must we wait until our children are gone before we help them. "Tarique's Voice" is in the works to grow and become that next Freedom Rider, the next leader into making sure that all our children create and perfect their character. Today is the day we give our children a "VOICE".

QUITE NO MORE

"Tarique's Voice" is meant to be a place that ANY-ONE can come and share their stories, suggestions or encouragement for all.  Change begins with a push and just as those literally hundreds  of year's before us pushed for change we must do the same in a non-violent way.  Grass roots movements are not always the easiest but real change never is.....

And a Friendship Begins.....

 

Today Tarique came home from school and asked if we could talk. He had told me that the boy involved had came up to him and told him that he was really sorry and asked Tarique if they could be friends. Tarique said he was sorry as well and that they both wanted to move on with this.

He went on to tell me that the boy stated that now people are being mean to him. Tarique said that he was really sad about this. When I asked him why he said the pain that I feel this boy now feels and I don't want that because now he is my friend and no one should feel that way.  He said the boy asked him to stop the FB page because he was being harassed by it. Tarique went on to tell him that it was his mom's page and he had nothing to do with it but would talk to his mom and he apologized to the boy.

I WANT TO MAKE SOMETHING VERY CLEAR!

I do NOT condone any harassment for any children including this young man that had an altercation with my son that night. I have never mentioned this child's name and nor will I ever. I am not sure how people knew who he was other than Perrysburg schools encouraging folks to look at the off the wall police report. 

Please people remember these are children, do they make mistakes yes they do, they all do. 

 Can we make this a teachable moment, yes we can.

We have said from the very beginning we DO NOT want these boys to be tar and feathered we want the community, the schools to address the issues of bullies in our schools.

I could have went online and said the boys names but what does that do for anyone?

Clearly this young man and Tarique are trying to learn from this and grow and develop a friendship or at least some understanding of one another.

I DO NOT want these kids to be harassed and I will not stand for that either! I will advocate on behalf of this young man as well.  THEY ARE CHILDREN!

Please note there are always 2 sides of a story and there is always different views.  I am not trying to make anyone a Saint nor a villain I am trying to bring light to a serious situation in our society.
It is not just Perrysburg schools that has this issue it is every where period.

If you are reading this and you are harassing this young man please think twice before you speak. Because instead of fighting against bullies you are in fact becoming the bully and this is not what Tarique's Voice is all about.

PERRYSBURG IT IS TIME TO BURST THE BUBBLE....

 

It would be lovely if we lived in this wonderful serene bubble where nothing bad can make it's way in. But in this case bad has already made it's way in and as a community we have all decided to take that stand and say we are not going to tolerate this any longer.

Just how does a student become a target of the bullies?

According to  Olweus (1993) has found that most children who are harassed are what he terms "passive victims": "cautious, sensitive, quiet, withdrawn, passive, submissive and shy, ... anxious, insecure, unhappy, and distressed" (p. 57). They may also be physically weak (Perry, Hodges, and Egan. 2001) and have what Olweus (1993) calls "body anxiety"; They're clumsy, afraid of being hurt, and weak at sports and fights. They are always the last ones chosen for the team.

 Because a child who's targeted usually has poor social skills and few or no friends, the student doing the bullying knows that no one will come to her defense (Egan and Perry, 1998; Hodges, Boivin, Vitaro, and Bukowski, 1999; Perry et al., 2001). Other students join in the attack, escalating the abuse and dampening concern and sympathy for the targeted child. Indeed, her peers will probably blame her for being bullied and isolate her even further (Oliver et al., 1994). Some students are so eager to belong to a group that they'll put up with any kind of abuse (Roberts, 2006).

PLEASE SHARE YOUR STORIES.  WE ALL HAVE A STORY TO TELL RATHER IT BE FROM YOUR OWN EXPERIENCE OR SOMETHING SOMEONE HAS SHARED WITH YOU. THIS IS YOUR PLATFORM, STOP THIS FROM BEING OUR SOCIETIES DIRTY LITTLE SECRET.

We can make a difference, We must make a difference.

I wanted to post just a few things about Bullies to give those who are not that familiar with the subject a little bit of background.  With that being said however I think everyone in their lifetime has had some experience with a bully.  This could be a kid in the neighborhood or at school or work for that matter.  Back in my days growing up the bullies was what gave us a backbone and made us stronger and formed the people we are today.  But times have changed and people have changed and well let’s face it this is no longer the “Good old days”.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bullying

I am posting a link that I found on the web that gives a great bit of information regarding various forms of bullies and preventions with laws and so forth.  I think with this “Revolution” education here is really going to be the key to success.  Change starts in the home and parents no matter how grown we get will continue to have an influence on us, so let’s start educating our children that this type of behavior is just not OK.  Schools can be educated on how to pick out the bullies but really education should start in the home as well.

  Please if you have a story to share post away this is what we want this is your platform,

 this is all of our REVOLUTION!