Passion comes from deep within for every different person

Well hello people it has been such a long time since I have had the pleasure to put my true thoughts and inner words to the tip-taps of my keyboard.  But tonight the good ole' blog was calling my name and begging me to just say a word or two.

For the longest time I can recall longing to just be that super-woman for someone. Wanting to just be the HERO for the day. I could go on and on about what I imagined I wanted to do when I was growing up.  Sad thing is I think I am still growing up, wait I know I am still growing up, because each day I learn something new from a child that was just like me a zillion year's ago.

6 year's ago I had a very intense conversation with my mother just a few hours before she would die within an instant alone on the dark city street as she made her way to work at the local downtown hospital.  I remember crying up a storm as I spoke to her because I felt I had no purpose, a disappointment in her eyes and a disappointment to my children. My mom was very oh let's say 100% real with me. She said I am going to ask you a serious question. Is everything you are doing right now really worth it? Is it worth the amount of money you are making. At the time I was making great cash.  My mom then went on to tell me "If you were to die today what can you say to God when he asked you why do you deserve to be there?"  I stood on that phone that night and was in pure silence but I honestly could not answer.  A few hours later my mom passed away.

After I returned from placing my mom into the ground and trying to pretend as if I was the grown up, for once I realized no one is going to help me be that HERO I have to be it myself. I have to go get my sorry tail end up and just do it. I quit my job, took a HUGE and I mean HUGE financial hit and enrolled into college after being out of school for over 25 years.

I could have enrolled to be anything I wanted why not I could chalk it all up to a midlife crisis right?
I chose to be a social worker. My husband swore I was having a nervous break down but I myself thought I was in total control. I knew my heart was there, I knew what the end game would be. A life time of robbing Peter to pay Paul, countless nights of spaghetti and mac-n-cheese because a social worker life is not well let's say the golden egg.   But I felt this burning desire, this push as if my Momma was actually just picking each one of my legs up and walking me that way.

After I graduated I could have worked any where and done anything.  But Community Mental Health was calling my name.  The pay is embarrassing to mention, benefits are amazing with kids that was a plus, the work is so stressful and the hours are always unpredictable at best.  But there was something about it. Maybe because I wished I had all those supports when I was growing up on the poorest side of what could be classified as a Normal Rockwell painting Almost Heaven West Virginia.  Or......just maybe because there were so many variables about community mental health.  So many possible outcomes and so many possible good things that could come out of it.

The kids I would encounter were from all walks of life. Some poor, some in the middle and some well they had more money in their pockets than I would collect in a year.  Funny thing about mental illness it doesn't discriminate.

Have you ever wondered why kids do the things they do?  For me it was bullying, no big secret my obsession with that. Everyone knows that the subject alone gets really deep within my skin and just festers until I can't take it a second longer.  As a momma the pure agony I felt when I saw my own children hurt, I could not help but wonder how many other momma's felt the same agony and hopelessness as myself. I remember shortly after my son was attacked I would have to take anti-anxiety pills and sleeping pills at night because I laid in bed for hours over the guilt of what happened to him.  Now that I think about it I am sure as a mother I probably suffered from PTSD myself and the attack didn't even happen to me. IMAGINE how he must have and continues to feel.

I often wondered what toll does this have on their minds as mothers watch their babies head off to school knowing that they are dying inside because of fear.

What once is a healthy and joyful kiddo now displays feelings of despair, lack of self worth and hopeless that anything will ever be better in their life.  If you live in the inner city most folk expect kids to be roaming the streets, disrespectful, from broken homes, on food stamps and the list could go on and on. Trust me I know I was one of those kids remember a zillion years ago.  If you live further out in the half a million homes "my kid would never smoke that wacky-weed, take a razor and cut herself, or better yet beat the life snot out of non suspecting kid".  WRONG! It happens every where and it has nothing to do with what you have and do not have.

But my question is what is the Pre Cursor!  These kids don't just wake up one day and say Oh I feel depressed, I feel anxious, I feel like I am going to go to school and cause all kids of madness today just because I feel like it.  What was the domino that caused all the rest to fall to pieces?

• Parents are struggling to make ends meet, coming home exhausted by the stress of the day.  No time to tend to their kids to show that quality of love and guidance they might need.  I say this from personal experience and not that all parents are like this I might add.

• Kids are tuned in more socially on electronic devices than ever been before. They lose that social connection of a good ole face to face conversation, the game of kick the can, tip the cow whatever!  

• Teachers are bogged down with the need to have increased test scores, packed like sardine kids in the classes and not enough resources they really can't look at the big picture.

If a kid comes to school and is bullied or the bully ask yourself this:

Do they have enough resources such as proper clothing, shelter or food?

Do they have a pre-existing medical condition that is being left untreated such as diabetes?

Are they witness to in home violence such as mother or father being beaten or doing drugs?

Are they experiencing any type of abuse at home?

Do they have a undiagnosed mental health issue that they need assistance with?

Over the past few year's my family has faced a lot of tragedy and each day we get up thank God for allowing us a reset and we head out to make a change.  Is it always the most popular, financially rewarding thing to do? Probably not, but I can tell you when I lay down at night I know if I should pass I can confidently answer the question mom asked of me 6 short years ago.  This is NOT just a JOB for me this is my life, my path which was chosen for me to travel and I walk  it proudly.  We all have our own passions, our own destinies to fulfill and well this is mine.  A young lady at work today was preparing for our yearly talent show. She sang a song about Angels and it just sent chills down my spine and I am not going to lie I cried a little as well.  Here is a young lady struggling with mental health and numerous other struggles and she still stands tall and sings her praise. How mighty and rewarding is that!  Often I feel as if my momma is standing beside me going in her He-Haw voice that is my girl. 

I will  never regret becoming a social worker and putting in the blood sweet and tears I do every day. Do I wish it paid more, well heck yeah I do but for now it is what it is.  Over the past few years it is hard to tell how many lives I have changed with just that simple reassurance, that voice of reason, that pull yourself up by your britches talk and basically the "Listen I am not your momma but I am going to give you momma advice".  I have cried for these children, I have laughed with these children and I have sat by their sides as they struggled with depression, anxiety and thoughts of just ending it all and if asked if I would do it all over again you bet your undies I would.

All I ask of you is let's not all be so quick to judge one's journey because some have a little bit bumpier roads than others.

Friendship comes from unexpected places

Every single day I am reminded that friendship comes from the most unexpected places at the most unexpected times.  This year has been such a blur to me at times and just when I feel like "Oh did I wake up again, I am reminded quite quickly  of the prayer I say to myself daily before I step out of my car and into work.  "God let them hear you through me, let them see you through me, let me make a difference in guiding someones life towards the right path and protect those who are wondering through life with no knowledge of what to do or where to go". 
Someone asked me the other day Beth'a why in the world do you pray every single time before you get out of your car? I work in Mental Health and sometimes to be honest it is not the most healthy nor safest place to be. But that is OK for me because that is where I am destined to be at this time in my life. I pray just in case.....you just never know.

At anyrate my point is, every day I am suprised by the people that I met and the strength that they have even though they are with totally nothing but hope in their lives.  Recently I was blessed to attend a conference in San Diego California. Without the generosity from my CEO Jennifer Moses I would never, I repeat never been able to attend that conference.  It meant so much to me to attend this conference and I was so bummed that I couldn't afford to go. Out of the blue I get an email that I was approved to go to this conference and all the details were already taken care of. Oh what a blessing I would say!  At this conference I met some amazing individuals, I was able to see sights that I would never have been able to see and I was connected with people that I would never have crossed paths with if I was not at this conference. To sum it all up the conference was life changing for me

I came home from this amazing trip and low and behold I get an email through Facebook from a young lady that I had been following her journey for awhile. I could feel her pain and cherished the way that she held her head up high and kept her daughter's memories alive. I was in awe how she was such a strong advocate for mental health, cyber bullying and suicide. My heart ached for the loss she suffered and I am brought back to the day I could have lost my son.

My point with this entire blog is that friendship blossoms in the most unexpected times in our lives. My son pulls strength from the courage this mother holds, from the loss of Amanda and from the advocacy that her mother Carol continues to march on with.  Carol and Amanda have touched so many lives and saved a ton of lives as well including my son. Shortly after my son feeling like he couldn't take it anymore he did a video just like Amanda (he had saw Amanda's and thought it was a great idea to get his point across).  Every since she has been a backbone for him and we are forever grateful.

Today, he received a wonderful and thoughtful package in the mail from Carol and he was on the moon. This woman continues to amaze me and we are so blessed to been graced with her friendship and encouragement.  I can't help but think that Amanda had a little to do with making our paths cross some way or some how!  And the blessings continue.

I say to you once and I say it often..............It starts with ONE! One friend, One smile, One hello can change a life.

Carol Todd you are this boy's Hero Young Lady

AmandaToddLegacy.org

Change Begins With One..... "One Bully at a Time"
Much Love
Beth'a, Tarique and Hanya, Khalid
www.tariques-Voice.org


#anti-bullying, #bully, #friendship, #friend, #smile, #teach, #love, #mom, #suicide, #suicideprovention, #mentalhealth, #teachers, #highschool, #juniorhigh, #meangirls, #bystander, #counselor, #forgiveness, #loving, #struggles, #autism, #autismawareness, #advocate, #advocacy, #social, #socialawareness, #socialwork, #socialworker, #thevoice, #voice, #children, #understanding, #tariques-voice, #onebullyatatime, #onevoice, #one, #computersafety, #online, #onlinesafety

It is a long and dark journey for those who suffer both Bullying behaviors and Mental Health

28% of students ages 12-18 report being bullied

It is a long and dark journey for those who suffer both from Bullying behaviors and Mental Illness.

When one ask what do I think is the most challenging issues of our time? I would have to say the safety and well-being of our children both in our schools, communities and home.  Times have changed so very much from when I was just a wee-thing growing up and it scares me to death for those young kids.  According to an article I read on the Safe Schools Health Students website, each  year millions of children and youth experience the humiliation and devastating effects of bullying.

It begins in early childhood around about the 3rd or 4th grade and continues through adolescence and beyond.  43% of teachers had reported with the National Educational Associations that bullying was a moderate or major problem at their elementary or secondary level schools.

Many who are not stopped and taught the proper ways to handle conflict go on to become work place bullies.The amount of violence and the way the bully carries out their behaviors has drastically increased and become even more dangerous than before.  The once viewed mentally of "boys will be boys" and "it is  a normal rite of passage", it is now seen as a deeply harmful and unacceptable behavior that has lasting  harmful effects and must be stopped and is 100% preventable.

Research indicates that bullying damages the physical, mental, emotional and behavioral health of it's victims.  Victims are not just the children that are the main targets for the bullies because all that are involved such as the child, the bystanders who witness and do nothing, the families involved they are all effected by the bullies actions.  It creates a climate of intense fear and disrespect for everyone involved.

The U.S. Department of Education, Office for Civil Rights can include the following:

• Lowered academic achievement and aspirations
• Increased anxiety both in and out of school
• Loss of self-esteem and confidence causing the child to be recluse 
• Depression and post-traumatic stress requiring treatment
• General deterioration in physical health because the child just doesn't care any longer
• Self-harm and suicidal thinking or developing/carrying out the suicidal plan
• Feelings of alienation in the school environment, including fear of other children
• Absenteeism from school , failing school, not participating in class with others
  
  Those children who already suffer from a mental disability have a higher chance of being bullied and should be assisted quickly and compassionately.  If a mental health organization is already involved reach out to the agency/team and coordinate care so the child can feel safe and not ashamed when speaking of what is going on both in and out of school.
  
  Change Begins With One..... "One Bully at a Time"
  Much Love
  Beth'a, Tarique and Hanya
  www.tariques-Voice.org
  
  
  #anti-bullying, #bully, #friendship, #friend, #smile, #teach, #love, #mom, #suicide, #suicideprovention, #mentalhealth, #teachers, #highschool, #juniorhigh, #meangirls, #bystander, #counselor, #forgiveness, #loving, #struggles, #autism, #autismawareness, #advocate, #advocacy, #social, #socialawareness, #socialwork, #socialworker, #thevoice, #voice, #children, #understanding, #tariques-voice, #onebullyatatime, #onevoice, #one, #computersafety, #online, #onlinesafety

With Christmas brings new devices, new worries, new responsibilites

Well it is that time of year folks and your kids are demanding the newest, the finest that you can find in computers and social media devices.

Are you ready for it? Are you up to the trend as my kids would say?  Is this the first year that you have trusted your let's say 13 year old to finally have the long awaited Face Book account? 

I would encourage you to do your research before you hand over that beautiful wrapped gift.  Without having your child fully prepared for online safety can quickly turn an amazing gift into a nightmare.  Not to scare you but I am just throwing it out there, be prepared and educate on the "Do and Don't" of online fun.

Here are some amazing online sites to keep you up to date. It is just a few but a great place to start learning.

 http://www.safekids.com/kids-rules-for-online-safety/

Keeping Kids Safe Online Tips and Guideline Resources

FBI - Parent Guide to Internet Safety


Change Begins With One..... "One Bully at a Time"
Much Love
Beth'a, Tarique and Hanya
www.tariques-Voice.org


#anti-bullying, #bully, #friendship, #friend, #smile, #teach, #love, #mom, #suicide, #suicideprovention, #mentalhealth, #teachers, #highschool, #juniorhigh, #meangirls, #bystander, #counselor, #forgiveness, #loving, #struggles, #autism, #autismawareness, #advocate, #advocacy, #social, #socialawareness, #socialwork, #socialworker, #thevoice, #voice, #children, #understanding, #tariques-voice, #onebullyatatime, #onevoice, #one, #computersafety, #online, #onlinesafety

Doing you! A Reflection in What Really Matters One Bully at a Time

Over the past few month's I have been on this self-proclaimed journey of finding myself.  What is it that God has intended for me to do, am I on the right journey, should I rethink my career path, am I really making an impact on the Anti-Bullying movement? So many questions and honestly not enough time in the day or the month or even the year to answer those very questions.

As most know I am a Care Manager for a Mental Health Agency located here in Toledo which is where I live with my wonderful and supportive family.  Not all days are the brightest but that is the nature of this particular beast and I have grown to accept that.  I go to work, I plop down in my seat at my little cubicle (One day I shall have a real office LOL), and I say OK today is the day.  Change is going to happen!  Little unknown fact I actually pray in the parking lot before I even get out of my car.  Yes sir I do! While some may think that is absolutely ridiculous you just never know.  I want to be the avenue for someone to change their life.  I was just telling my daughter that with every action there is a reaction.  When we make a choice it impacts another either positively or negative.  Those choices nudge us in one direction or another rather we know this or not. Now I am not saying that I am the Dali-Llama or anything like this but a very wise woman (A.K.A. my mother) told me the night she passed away "when it is your time you want to be able to say why you deserve to be there, make change".  I have been on that mission I think well before I was even a twinkle in my mother's eye.  When I hear Casting Crown's sing the song (Thrive and the other one Broken) I am telling you this man so had me in his mind when he wrote those songs.
But......as I was saying, there are days it is hard very hard.  I have so many visions, so many desires to make change and often have no clue where to turn for support or guidance and I feel as a little lost pup just trying to figure out how to make it in that big bad world.  Then I see one of my client's or one of the other Care Managers have me speak to one of their client's who may be either a bully or a victim and I know right then and there OK suck it up buttercup time to get to work and make it happen.  I hear stories that will make your head explode with anger at the same time your heart sink with pain. 
I am from the Mountains, Good ole' Blessed All Most Heaven West Virginia....Raised in the 70's (yes I totally just dated myself) and I just hate how this world has become and how our children are so afraid to even go to school. While social connections with the internet have made lives better in so many ways it has created a whole new beast and not for the best.

Every day I must read at least 4 or more journal articles regarding the linkage of school violence and Bullying behaviors.  The increase in Mental Health for adolescence and the linkage of Bullying Behaviors.  Gangs popping up just every where, criminal behaviors in our youth the numbers are climbing, young girls turning to prostitution because they want to feel loved at the same time protected.  Kids pulling out cell phones to record the fights in school versus standing up for their fellow classmates. I mean seriously I could go on and on and trust me it doesn't get any better.
Communities and schools say their hands are tied because of funding, yet our children are killing themselves or others because of the fear and the feelings of just not being able to take it any longer.  They are not educated in where to turn, what to do for others and feeling safe enough to take those actions.  Instead they turn to either violence themselves or ending it the only way they know how.

 As a mother who has experienced this in her own home, a social worker who sees this daily it just breaks my heart but honestly I feel like David versus Goliath at times.  I will continue the fight "One Bully at a Time"  Change always happen, sometimes not at the pace we would like, but I will be there when it does.....

This face, this smile, his spirit for Forgiveness pushes me so far. When I feel like I just am getting no where I often think of how many times I could have lost him, the struggles he has been given in his life since birth. I quickly realize my pity party is ridiculous and embarrassing to even admit.  If this boy can smile and say time and time again I forgive those who have hurt me I just want to be a friend then I can continue to fight.

Change Begins With One..... "One Bully at a Time"
Much Love
Beth'a, Tarique and Hanya
www.tariques-Voice.org


#anti-bullying, #bully, #friendship, #friend, #smile, #teach, #love, #mom, #suicide, #suicideprovention, #mentalhealth, #teachers, #highschool, #juniorhigh, #meangirls, #bystander, #counselor, #forgiveness, #loving, #struggles, #autism, #autismawareness, #advocate, #advocacy, #social, #socialawareness, #socialwork, #socialworker, #thevoice, #voice, #children, #understanding

An Oprah Ah-Ha Moment in the land of Sunny Cali

The flight to San Diego was long but well worth it. The sun was shining while my home town of Perrysburg was in frozen tundra. Off I went to mingle and pick the brains of those of like mind. All these amazing individuals all here for the same purpose, HOW CAN WE STOP THE BULLY, How can we educate and how can we make a difference. 

International Anti-Bullying Convention in California

I quickly realized after only a few minutes that my home, my community, the schools that my children attend is majorly behind in times when it comes to the fight of “Bullying Behaviors”.   How can this be?  We pride ourselves on a decent education, Blue Ribbons schools and the finest of the finest when it comes to Mid-West living, however when I walk around and hear stories of what other schools and communities are doing to make sure that their children feel safe and secure while they attend school, play in their neighborhoods or honestly actually work, I start to feel sick to my stomach. No joke I at one point thought I was going to pass out because of all the information I was hearing. I was a little, no scratch that a lot embarrassed when people asked what do I do and what is my community doing in this arena.

I feel as if we are such failures for not only our children but ourselves.  When you think of the word Bully most individuals will think of the typical school yard bully. I am here to tell you it is much deeper than that, considerably deeper.  Bullies do not discriminate, they could care less if you were from a wealthy family, poor family, typical family with mom and dad or if you simply just have one parent struggling to keep their kids in line.  You could have 1 mom; 2 moms; 1 dad; 2 dads or even be in foster care a bully will find their way under that thick skin.  Again, they do not discriminate everyone is fair play when it comes to their game plan.

Myself with Dr. Dan Olweus and his sister from Norway

I was blessed enough to meet and speak with Dr. Dan Owelvus from Norway who has been the leader in Bullying Prevention for many, many years. I met with developers of bullying programs and applications, literary authors of educational as well as real life inspirational stories.  I was lucky enough to meet a few film directors, district attorney’s, leading world researchers in bullying prevention and the list could go on and on.  And with each one of the individuals I was able to share the story of my son Tarique and all about Tariques-Voice.org.  I was shocked by the encouragement, the willingness to help get the organization off the ground, the exchange of personal cell phone numbers, emails and such to be there if we needed extra guidance.  I had many people who were willing to come to Ohio for FREE to help me, to speak to the schools, to guide Tarique in his quest for advocacy.

 For over a year I have been attempting to embed Tariques-Voice into our community and doing this all on my own.  Many who know me understand that I am a social worker for a large Mental Health Organization called Zepf Mental Health. While I am grateful for their wiliness to allow me to share my passion regarding bullying here and there, let’s face it my income from Zepf alone cannot support my family and my organization, it barely supports me enough to feed my own children.  Yet each night I come home and I research, I blog, I connect to children who reach out through Tariques-Voice looking for someone to hear their cry.

I was able this week to really see the severe need in our community and how blind the schools and variety of agencies can be when it comes to Bullying.  They believe that a poster here, a pep rally there and let’s maybe put a Bullying Reporting box in the front of the classrooms are going to be enough.  So many children are suffering on so many levels it is absolutely mind blowing when you take a look at the numbers.  Some would say “what is a little bit of teasing going to do, it helps put hair on their chest”.  Well let’s entertain that utterly ridiculous idea for just a second. Supposed it does put “a little bit of hair on their chest”, but what about the layers beneath? Coming from the mental health world I see it affect kids and adults on so many levels such as depression, suicidal thoughts, attempts of suicide, the beginnings of alcohol and drug use, prostitution, gang activity, post-traumatic stress stemming from the continued trauma after being exposed to bullying behaviors time and time again.  Many of these children live in poverty stricken areas where life in itself if hard and to deal with continued ridicule day in and day out from the “bully” at times kids just say enough is enough.  This my friends is where the guns come into play, kids reach out, nothing is done and well face it they take care of business the only way they know how.  They either kill themselves or kill those who have inflicted the pain upon them.  But does it have to be that way?  Where as a society can we step in and say “I hear you”.

This is my Ahhhh-Ha moment!  I had questioned am I doing enough? What different actions can I take to really get out there and make a difference?  Do I continue to feel bound by the chains of the 9-5 and continue to struggle to get Tariques-Voice out there and working for our kids or do I say “I AM ALL IN AND I AM IN THIS TO WIN IT”.   Life is so short and so precious, why should we live in fear? Should we not all be fundamentally able to go to school and be educated, experience the joys of just being a kid without being afraid?  

As a momma I don’t want to be that mom who stands over her kids casket or any kid for that matter and say “I wished I could have done more, I wished I saw the signs, I wished I heard your cry, I wished you could have felt that you could have come to me, I wished I could have shown you the power of love; goodness and genuine kindness and I wished you knew deep in your heart that you are not alone!

And so my journey will continue……Tariques-Voice will be the voice of our community if I spend every moment of my life to make that happen. The struggles he endured the pain and agony that was bestowed upon him as well as my entire family will not be in vain. It starts with ONE people…..One voice, one kind word, and one simple smile to save a life.  

When you go out and about in your regular day please remember this “A person’s name is the strongest most powerful sound in the universe of language.  When you say their name you are providing an affirmation of that person’s existence and that might be the only kind word they hear for that day” And guess what IT’S FREE AND SIMPLE TO PROVIDE.

With that I leave you my friend

Let’s do this “ONE BULLY AT A TIME” IT START’S WITH ONE WILL YOU BE THAT ONE?

Much Love xooxox
Momma Shamy

You have the power all along

You have the power all along to make a difference in someone's life. A simple smile, a spread of a good word or simply just affirming another persons presence can be so powerful and may honestly change the course of that persons life for the better.

The power of ONE is so amazing. It Start's with ONE and soon it will spread like wild fire. It requires no certain age, race, religion, wealth! It simply requires one thing.....

Good Intentions within the heart.

www.Tariques-Voice.org
One Bully at a Time